19 Ideas to Save your Water Polo Tournament
Gimmicks that would make World Aquatics throw up a little
As long as I’ve been playing water polo, there have been new rules. My first year, I had a game winning two point goal. I was super excited, only to discover the following summer that the rule was gone. After college they got rid of two hand blocks for field players. Recently World Aquatics (nee FINA) expanded the penalty shot rules and made 6 meter and corner shots live.
But these new rules are rarely designed for fun. Why should I go to your tournament, let alone show up to watch? The bustling night life of Cleveland, Ohio? The weather in San Francisco? Make your tournament different. Make it fun. Every summer the Quarry Scramble puts together hundreds of random players on acid to create some occasionally fun water polo surrounded by a rave on a campground just outside of Amish country. I’m allergic to camping (and party drugs) and even I attended one year for the novelty. Novelty is fun. Have a cool tournament. Try something different. You might get more teams coming and maybe even a few people watching.
With that in mind here are 19 ideas that someone should try to attract attention for their tournament/competition:
Face paint for players. I’ve heard of players using zinc. Think eyeblack for the tough kids, goth for the ostentatious ones.
Synchro/Artistic Swimming half time. They had something like this at a tournament in Colombia I was at, and it beat the hell out of checking our phones.
Allow push-offs on the spring. maximum speed. Maximum intensity. Jump balls lifting up teammate. Think rugby lineout/artistic swimming lift:
Allow flying salmon allowed on free throws. (The flying salmon is the illegal move of lifting up your teammate from below for a shot)
Instead of caps, ear guards and body paint. I want to see long hair, temporary face tattoos, etc. Let’s get the individuality going.
Ref assistant uses underwater (PERV Proactive Emerged Review Video) cam to tamp down on the sexual harassment.
Punching a Hungarian now just gets you a verbal warning. (The Olympics went too far, poor Italy)
Game automatically won if player finds coach’s wedding band at the bottom of the pool (like the Snitch in Quidditch). Please don’t tell his wife.
2 points for action goals one point for man ups/5m. Let’s reward trying to score, not trying to draw fouls
Light up goals. Like the klaxon in hockey. I want green lights on if someone scores, red for out of time.
Prize for a tournament ($1000? $10000? What would it take to get players to delude themselves into thinking they would win)
Smaller goals? (More of a defensive game) Hockey and soccer/football are excited because of their limited scoring. Too many tournaments are full of blowouts.
2 points for transgender goals. This one is a no-brainer. Either you’re pro-trans and you think they deserve something extra to go their way or you’re anti-trans and this gives you an excuse to boo minorities for sports reasons. Either way, automatic Fox News website article. (non-bionary goals: 1.5 points)
Allow different color cap combos (ex white goalie cap and red field caps). Color can be fun. Provide suits that match cap colors. have fun.
Create a contest for bringing fans. Whoever gets the most fans at the tournament gets a kiss from the the ref’s wife and a pat on the ass from Jeff the lifeguard with the snaggletooth.
Custom towels with the team logos to wave after goals. Let’s get hyped.
Division for 6 and unders where the winners get to meet people dressed at PAW Patrol. My son would dunk a schoolmate for that prize.
Do shorter tournaments like fight cards instead of large brackets. Bill it as a series of rivalries and grudge matches: “At the last tournament, Greater Allentown all took exception to Piper’s constant foul drawing, but Greg went too far when he tried to pull off Piper’s dick. This Saturday they settle it once and for all! No dick is safe!”
Stage a Republicans vs Democrats game (not men vs women). Blood in the Water Match II: Proud Boys vs Communists. Use our national division to your advantage.
Be creative. We can only go to Iceland to see the country’s oldest co-ed sauna so many times. And be sure to come to our tournament this spring in NJ: two points for women’s goals and a Mariachi band on deck for the final.
